"Let it fall."

For the longest time, I thought she sang, "So happy, so happy, so happy..."
and I just found out that she actually says, "So I weep."
Total opposite.

"Long live the walls we crashed through."

The older I get, the more I realize how old my parents actually are, and how cute they can be.

It's kind of like the tables have turned after so many years of me being a selfish little kid.

I'm now looking back at my parents in a different way. As if they're the children growing up and I'm the parent staring fondly, wistfully after them. I'm starting to realize more and more how similar their personality traits are to my own, and how funny they can be. Sometimes.

"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age."

Did anyone else used to watch this show?
... Because it was awesome.

"Take me out tonight, or take me anywhere- I don't care."

I'm stage managing a play.

Come out and audition for us! Or tell all of your friends!

It is going to be directed by a very talented and good friend of mine. I promise that it will be fabulous!

If you're into working behind the scenes, let me know as well!

Visit our Facebook page for details.

"Those Christmas lights light up the street. Maybe they'll bring her back to me."

You light up my world.

"Honestly, won't someone stop this train?"

Been painting hard.

"They've never gone this long without a kill before."

Down to the wire
I wanted water
But I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me

Basically.

"If I find her, I swear- I'll kill her."

I like it.

"Hey now, don't dream it's over."

These are my best friends.
We dressed up as Hogwarts students and waited in line to see HP7 PT.I in Imax this weekend.
We were sober (for once). It was great.

I'm really lucky.

(Also, the film definitely lives up to its hype. Probably more. I was in tears!!!)

"I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone."

"I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, Returning were as tedious as go o’er." -Macbeth (3.4.135–137)
***
I don't know how much time I spent lying awake last night.

My temples were throbbing, my feet were annoyingly warm, and my hair was unwashed. Each discomfort left me uncomfortable and irritated. Every position I laid in, didn't feel right. Neither side of my pillow was cool or comfortable enough and it got to the point where I became frustrated by my lack of tiredness.

Finally, I gave up trying to sleep and cracked open my skylight. Under the darkness of the sky, I thought about how much easier things were years ago when my mother's arms were the safest place I could be. I thought about how she'd stroke my hair and sing me old Vietnamese lullabies when I couldn't sleep. I love you's were/are very rarely exchanged in our home, but growing up, I was always strongly aware of the fact that my mother loved me and I knew it most of all when she sang me to sleep.

Nowadays, we might as well be strangers. Walls and the passage of time have completely separated us and even though she is usually only ten steps away, it feels like ten thousand.

"He doesn't want her, but he just won't let her go."

He doesnt want her but he just won't let her go
She started breaking but she still wont let it show

***

I've had this song stuck in my head all day! An oldie, but a goodie.

"All these haters mad because I'm so established."

It was the first painting I had done in a while and after completing it, I felt very... accomplished. Proud.
I should paint more (for leisure). This class is forcing me to do a new painting every week (btw, this is a 60" x 48" canvas... it is a pain to carry around).

I'm kind of sad because I can't get too attached to my paintings. They'll be washed over with white paint every Saturday to make room for a new painting project!

"Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die."

So, the show is over & I finally have my life back.

It's weird. I feel like I just went through an amicable breakup, but it's about time that I move on now!

In the past two months, I've met and fallen in love with people who've filled my life with exuberance and laughter. They inadvertently kept my sanity at bay.

And after seeing each other every day & exchanging BBMs 24/7 for two months, it's gotten to a point where Belle and I pretty share the same brain.

It's extremely eerie at times. Onwards now... until the next one :)

"You want love, but you fear it."

More and more, I've come to look forward to coming home at the end of the day.

I've always liked being alone but lately, I've never appreciated aloneness more.
Things like dinner waiting for me in the fridge when I come home at night, or John Mayer on the radio while I speed through the pitch blackness on the UBC highway. The silence in my house as I sink into my bed. I love it.

I started working on this show in August and as a result, I sort of got shoved into September, instead of being able to settle in to it like everyone else. It's bittersweet to think that in just a few days, my life will finally go back to being somewhat "normal".

"Maybe later we can go up to the moon, or sail among the stars before the night is through."

... And just like that, two months have gone by!

Our show (unofficially) opens tomorrow night!

As much as I love heavy lifting (ha) and sitting stage right with a headset (all important and such), I'm looking forward to having my life finally go back to normal... before the next show comes along, of course.

I plan on becoming a hermit for about a week after October 9. I've seen the same crazy people almost every day since August, and sometimes, I feel a bit loco!!!!!!

I've got big, post-show plans for myself... like reuniting with ma gurlz for our gig at Langara (October 14!!!!), growing my own cherry tomatoes, and finally cleaning my bathroom and room(s) so that I can have a space to paint in. Can't forget that I'm an 80 year old woman trapped in a 20 year old body.

"That girl knows every single man would ask her for her hand."

This is my life (at the moment).

If you squint hard enough, you'll see Belle across the stage!

"Tell me you know. Yeah, you've figured me out."

I decided a while back that I wanted my life to be more private.

I'm not sure that many people know that much about me. They can scrutinize, or guess, or create stories, but I let very few people in. At one point this summer, I heard a weird story about myself that was completely untrue, but nonetheless, it hurt my feelings. I'm pretty good with letting things go and moving on, but this one hit me hard. Looking back on it now, I feel foolish, but at the time, I guess it caused something in me to snap, and I decided that sharing my personal thoughts on this outlet would be... well, too personal.

In my time away from this blog, I've devoted my life to stage managing a play, and writing music to keep me sane. Trust me when I say that "I've devoted my life to stage managing a play" isn't an understatement.

It's been a crazy couple of months, but I'm happy. I'm excited. Still clumsy as fuck (just spilled water on my legs), and remarkably stupid for a clever girl.

Opening night is Thursday!

(I'm back!)

"I cried a river over you."

The best part about this photo is that it was taken without zoom!!!!!!

"I don't need no ring. I don't need anything but you and me..."

Every night my parents watch Vietnamese movies in our living room. And every night, my mom falls asleep with her head on my dad's shoulder as he rubs her feet.

Growing up, my parents never really showed the kind of affection towards each other that you see on TV or in the movies. When I was younger, I wondered why their relationship seemed impersonal compared to the image of love that I had in my head. Everything that I thought I knew about love was based on Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski, or Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

I've come to realize that almost everything that I thought I knew about love was wrong.

My parents are best friends who are raising a family together. They work because they don't bother with living up the "ideal" image of love.

Zack & Kelly, and Sailor Moon & Tuxedo mask had to deal with a mess of crises and breakups with each other.

I think that love could be simple if you let it be.

At the end of the day, all I want every night for the rest of my life is my best friend & I on a couch together, watching movies.

"Steady my breathing. Silently screaming, 'I have to have you now'."

"Sometimes I get the itch to go out for a drink thinking I might miss meeting the woman of my dreams, but then I realize the woman of my dreams isn’t at a bar at 12:36 on a Wednesday morning. No, the woman of my dreams is asleep in bed with her lame boyfriend she’s only now beginning to see is lame. Nice enough guy, but no passion or curiosity. It was cute when he called her babe at first but now it’s just lazy and distant sounding. The woman of my dreams just twitched in her sleep because I mentioned her. The woman of my dreams is not usually twitchy. The woman of my dreams likes Family Guy but doesn’t LOVE Family Guy. The woman of my dreams will engage in conversations that don’t necessarily cater to her in exchange for my moving quickly through the shop talk. The woman of my dreams has to be up at 7am. Maybe the woman of my dreams is at the gym, not the bar. I better get to bed."

-John Mayer

Sounds like he and I could get along.

"Run where you'll be safe. Through the garden gates to the shelter of magnolias."

I love songs that inspire me to write my own songs.

"Oh, you treat me badly. I love you madly. You really got a hold on me."

I've been singing this song all day because it's been stuck in my head since I woke up this morning afternoon.
When I sat down and thought about it, it's actually pretty fitting...

I wish that I was as cool as Zooey. I need to find my own M. Ward so that we can create pretty songs... And reign as the king and queen of hipster heaven, too.

"Come into my bed. I've got to know, know, know you."

Hi. I love you. Marry me. Please.

"Young and full of running. Tell me, where has that taken me?"

Took an enneagram test. Super freaky and accurate results.
Try it yourself! http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-quick-amp-painless-enneagram-test

***
5 - the Observer

Your Enneagram type is FIVE (aka "The Thinker").

"I need to understand the world"
Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

• Be independent, not clingy.
• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts (!!!).
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable (!!!).
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity (!!!).
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place. (One of my biggest pet peeves!!!)
• don't come on like a bulldozer.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties (!!!), other people's loud music (!!!), overdone emotions (!!!), and intrusions on my privacy (!!!).

What I Like About Being a FIVE

• standing back and viewing life objectively
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a FIVE

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all (!!!)
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be (!!!)
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

FIVEs as Children Often

• spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on (!!!)
• have a few special friends rather than many (!!!)
• are very bright and curious and do well in school
• have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
• watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
• assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
• are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
• feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

FIVEs as Parents

• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

"You can travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast!"

I know it's a bit overdue, but here are some more than some shots from our trip to LA!

For anyone who was wondering, we (Backstage Romance) went to LA because we were invited by an NBC talent producer to audition for the second season of their a cappella singing contest, The Sing-Off.

Our audition went great! The judges really liked our Just Dance/Sweet Dreams mash-up and they complimented us on our costumes. They were impressed because no other group dressed up like we did.

Unfortunately, they thought that our group was too small. We hoped to go into the audition with four group members, but following a setback, we only ended up with three. Going into the audition, we knew that the rules stated that the show was looking to cast groups of four to twelve members. After our audition, the judges explained that although they enjoyed our performance, they were looking to cast larger a cappella groups (four or more singers), which we already knew.

We explained to them that our fourth member wasn't able to make it and they acknowledged our professionalism because we didn't come into the audition apologizing right off the bat for our lack of a fourth member. They also asked us if there was any way that our fourth member could come in with us the next day to re-audition, but obviously she could not.

We left the studio with our heads held high, and a couple of minutes later, one of the judges chased us down about a block away from the studio! We were completely surprised. He said that he really wanted us to come back the next day to re-audition and asked us again if there was any way that our fourth member could come and audition with us. We explained to him that there was no way that our fourth member could make it the next day and in the end, he just made sure that we were coming back to audition next year... which I don't think we are. As of right now, we no longer have a fourth member and I think that we're going to keep it that way! We've been singing as a trio for four years now, and the whole trip made us realize that with a fourth member, our entire dynamic changed and it was painfully obvious how difficult it would be for us to move forward with a new singer. So, we are back to three and we are going to stay three!

"I love you and all I want you to do is just hold me, hold me, hold me."

So... It turns out that my allergies weren't going into overdrive. I have a cold!

Who the hell gets sick in JUNE?!
... This girl, obviously.

Hate life, but my sickness has made me a little bit crazy and I've been having some pretty psychedelic dreams.

"You remind me of St. Tropez."

My allergies are killing me.

They are excruciating to the point where I can't sneeze once without it being followed by twenty consecutive sneezes. My left nostril is running. I got so tired of blowing my nose, so I'm sitting here with a wad of tissue stuffed inside my nostril, feeling sorry for myself.

My antihistamines are not working. My throat is so fucking sore. I'm grumpy. It's getting hotter and hotter every day. The heat makes it difficult to sleep and I am someone who cannot function properly without a certain amount of sleep. I'm grumpy. I want to take a nap but there is makeup on my face and since I am weird and OCD like that, I can't sleep without washing my face first. The thought of my makeup rubbing all over my pillows is really unsettling.

Today, I spent over an hour going from grocery store to grocery store because I had a mad craving for edamame. It started almost two weeks ago, when I went to Danielle's BC Felions calendar launch at the Shark Club. I had a huge bowl of edamame to myself and since then, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I wanted to buy them in bulk so that I could steam them whenever I wanted some, but my grocery store search failed. I ended up going to a random Japanese restaurant on Fraser St. and ordering some there. I sat in a booth behind these two elderly women who annoyed me because they spoke to the Japanese waitress in slow, concise sentences that made it seem like they were mocking her. People are so ignorant sometimes.

"Give away a few Mercedes..."

I think that it's a huge turn-off when guys are obsessed with labels and name brands, especially when they're not making the kind of salaries that support their fashion choices.
If you're willing to spend more than $50 on a t-shirt or a hat, or hundreds on shoes... We can't be friends. I'm sorry.

"Told you I'll be here forever."

"I love this record, baby, but I can't see straight anymore."

"You don't need to call in to work 'cause you're the boss."

"Doin' it for the fame 'cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous."

I love Gaga and these remixes are BEYOND (!!!!!) amazing.

"I can't tell you what I learned from school, but I could tell you a story or two."

He took us [to a strip club] and the girls were all kind of fat. I know I'm fat, but I don't prance around naked... Well, in public I don't.
-AK

I have the best friends ever.

"You can't play our broken strings."

I have too many thoughts and no guitar to share them with.
... But at least I have LA to look forward to NEXT WEEK!!!!

"I can't save you if you don't let me."

So nice to see your face again- tell me, how long has it been since you’ve been here? You look so different than before. You’re still the person I adore, frozen with fear.

All out of love but I take it from the past.
All out of words cause I’m sure it’ll never last.

I’ve been saving these last words for one last miracle, but now I’m not sure. I can’t save you if you don’t let me. You just get me like I’ve never been gotten before...

"Zip your lip like a padlock."

I really need to get this off my chest.

I've struggled with my stance on this issue for a really long time. At first, I was strongly opposed to marijuana and anything to do with it; however, over time, my opinion has changed along with the rest of the world's, and I've had enough time to really think about the subject and come to an actual conclusion on my own.

I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.

What I'm wondering is why exactly there are people who place marijuana on a high pedestal, who go as far as to worship it as their god, and who place it second to (or even before) sex* in their list of top five things that they love.
*Yeah, I really met someone who believes that marijuana is better than sex.

Okay, I get it. Or at least, I think I do, based on the experiences that I've had. You may not agree. Whatever.

It's something to do at parties. It's something to do with your friends on a Friday night when you want to unwind from the stress of the work/school week. It's the safest "recreational drug". The way I see it, marijuana is something like... a fun enhancer. You're already out with people you love, you're already having fun, let's all do something "recreational".

What I don't understand is people who feel the need to get high every day or as often as they can. I have been trying to understand this for months and I still can't figure it out. Everyone knows someone who "can't live without it". So, does that mean that their lives are that sad or pathetic? Do they have nothing else going on in their lives that makes them as happy as being high? Do they have nothing else to look forward to but a joint at the end of the day? I'm posing these questions because all the hard stoners I know don't have much going for them in their lives, or they have a lot of bad shit going for them instead. It's a false sense of happiness you experience with that drug and that's what confuses me about the whole thing.

Man, I just reread this and do I come off as a pretentious bitch or what? Whatever, I don't care. I needed to get this off my brain and here it is. Feel free to debate.

"I've had you so many times, but somehow, I want more."

"I fought the law and the law won."

LOLOLOLOL. This is THE BEST thing I have seen all week.

"I don't know why you love me, and that's why I love you."

"California, here we come."

PLEASE, COME OUT, SUPPORT US AND BUY MY CLOTHES!!!

"Sweet dreams are made of this."

"Oooooh, she got it all."

Life's funny!

I have a love-hate relationship with surprises. I'm boring and I usually like knowing what's going to happen, but the odd surprise is okay sometimes. For example, a few days ago, I received some pretty great news. I mean, it was more than just great. It was news of epic proportions! It had to do with Backstage Romance (aka, Danielle, Tiffany, and I) and it was an AWESOME surprise. I ran around doing a happy dance for like, 20 minutes and sent them the news via BBMs in capital letters because I was so excited.

We are face-to-face with a huge opportunity.
All of a sudden, we're scrambling to raise funds so that we can be in LA in less than a month.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the passport office to apply for an urgent passport.

"Oh my gosh."

Sorry for the increase in Youtube video posts, but this is actually a really great arrangement of this song. The original version by Usher is my current guilty pleasure (along with Ke$ha's Your Love is my Drug... Fuck!), and yeah... I've been reluctant to acknowledge that Usher has made any good music since his old music like, ten years ago (think U Remind Me, U Don't Have to Call, U Got It Bad), but this song is winning me over. David Choi's cover is awesome, too.

"Nothing comes close to the golden coast."

New Katy! It's no secret how much I love Katy Perry. I'm already addicted to this song.

"Can't help myself- I'm in love."

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-future love.

"I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday."

New Backstage Romance cover!

"Crying over you."

I've watched this at least ten times and I still find it funny.

"I'll follow you until you love me."

What dreams are made of.

"Nothing not to love about me."

I LOVE this. My favourite part is when she dusts her Grammy awards.

"You've got what it takes."

Lately, I've been working out a lot.

I don't know where the motivation came from or how it is still alive in me, but I'm grateful for it because I haven't felt this way... ever. It's been about a month since I've started.
Every time, I set for myself a goal of at least 45 minutes of intense cardio followed or preceded by any fitness class that my gym is offering that day. Pilates and Abs/Butt/Thighs classes are my favourite! Gaga is my inspiration. While I run, I repeat to myself, "Just five more minutes", every time I feel like giving up. By the end of it, sweat is literally dripping off of my body and I'd probably be unrecognizable to anyone who knows me. It's supa sexy, ha.

Who knew that I would ever be okay with running?
I must be crazy, but it feels really good.

"The only other half that makes me whole."

Just a baby.
Common, but closest to my heart. Literally.
*Yes, I removed the previous photo and changed it to this one because the other one showed too much side boob... hehe.

"I don't know, but today seems kinda odd."

Contrary to this song, today was NOT a good day.

"Sleep, pretty darling. Do not cry."

Beautiful cover.

"Don't fool yourself. She was heartache from the moment that you met her."

I might've posted this song before, but it's a good one.
Jeff Buckley pretty much changed the way that I listened to music.

"I just wanna be okay."

I think that I know what I want.

I mean, I know what I want to do career-wise. The only thing is that I'll have to wait two years before I can actually go for it because it isn't a career that my conventional/conservative Vietnamese parents would go for unless I had a legit degree under my belt first.

I'm going to keep it in my head for now, in case I change my mind.

"I heard you were looking for me."

I read that after dropping out of high school at fourteen, Lil Wayne still managed to get his GED. He even enrolled in and kept high grades at the University of Houston while he was a student of the school. Pretty interesting guy. I watched The Carter the other day and while Wayne can be mostly incoherent, his work ethic is amazing- the guy is constantly critiquing himself- and it is obvious that he is intelligent. Think what you will about him; he's still making millions from a prison cell while you're making zero dollars reading this blog!

... Prison must get boring. I think that once I finish studying for and writing my last exam, I'm going to write a letter to Lil Wayne in prison. Maybe include a drawing or something, haha.

"Living is easy with eyes closed."

"Just a second, it's my favourite song they're gonna play."

I love clever mashups!!!

"They got nothing on you."

He didn't turn out to be who you thought he was. He fucked you up, you feel like shit. You miss him, but who he was, or the person you thought he was, wasn't real.
The way he made you feel about yourself? How good you felt? That feeling was real, and that's something you need to hang on to. Let go.

"Sleight of hand and twist of fate- on a bed of nails she makes me wait."

Trying to master drawing hands and feet. I'm getting there, I think.
Leaps and bounds from where I started.