I don't know why I was wasting so much time up until this point. I was wasting time with people that I allowed to hold me back from living my life the way that I should have been living it all along. There was a certain point, a little while before I met you, when something snapped inside of me; I fell into a huge and awful chasm of self-pity and anger that consumed me for weeks. I felt the most alone that I had ever felt, and all I wanted to do was sob and wallow. Finally, weeks later (after a night when I consumed an entire, fat loaf of French bread in one sitting), I woke up and realized that this was not the way that I should be living my life. I had been chasing after people who were never going to make me a priority in their lives. I had consistently been chasing after the ideas of every boy that had entered my life- by "idea", I mean the perfect idea of each person that I had conjured up in my mind. Does that make sense? It wasn't entirely their fault. I willingly chose to look past each flaw, each half-truth, each full-on lie because I wanted so badly to be happy, to feel secure. But I was wrong about all of them.
Anyway, after that, I wiped away my tears, dyed my hair (so cliche), and applied for some jobs and internships. I was determined to get over myself ("But what does that even mean?" you'd say). By the following week, I had been hired for both internships that I applied for and had another interview for the following week.
... And then I met you. If there is a God, it was like he was waiting for me to figure it all out on my own (just like an all-knowing asshole would), so that I could really appreciate you when you came into my life. It was unexpected and all by chance, but at the same time, it seems way too calculated and unnervingly perfect to just be an accident.
And now, you're here. And soon, you'll be leaving for good.
It's strange to be going through the rest of this month knowing that by the end of it, you'll be an entire ocean away... but strangely, I'm okay with it. It's bittersweet.
But somehow, in a world filled with over seven billion people, I found you, and that alone is a feat.
