I am wayyy too hard-headed for my own good.
When I was born, my doctor predicted that I'd be as intelligent as I was stubborn, and that I would continually be stuck in my ways. She ended up being right- a fact that my mother has reiterated to me more than once. I'm stubborn and I know it... sometimes. I mean, I can be open-minded when I want to be... but you know, most of the time, I don't want to be. I like being right, and fuck it, I usually am right... especially when it comes to people. I actually have a real talent when it comes to reading people. I didn't even really realize it until recently either. I subconsciously study other people's mannerisms, moods, and behaviour until I can pretty much predict their next move. It comes in handy when I'm playing detective. Unfortunately, I've made it extremely difficult for myself to trust people, or let people in, because when I think I've figured someone out, that's when I decide whether or not I can trust them, and when I decide that I can't, that's it. I don't even trust my own parents. I don't even think I can even say that I fully trust anyone, but the thing is, it's not their fault. It's me. Stubborn me rarely ever changes her mind. This is why I find it so hard to really reveal my truest thoughts on this blog. Even when I am dying on the inside to tell someone all about the crap I may be going through, I can't do it. There aren't very many people that I confide in, and a lot of my secrets are exactly that- secrets. I am so envious of people who are able to illustrate their thoughts and lives so honestly on their blogs.
It's like I'm burying myself in my own grave of secrets and thoughts and worries. The more I keep things to myself, the deeper the grave gets, and the further I am from the people reaching out to me.
