"You left the sweetest taste in my mouth."

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part

"... I just haven't met you yet."

And I know someday that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get

... I just haven’t met you yet

"Thanks for being you. Thanks for being all the things I had to say goodbye to."

So, here we are again, staring at the end of what we made and who we are. Never knowing when one of us will break apart and walk the other way. Love, I don't know what to say. Love, I don't know how to stay when you won't let me be the person I am. The writing's on the wall. There's nothing to say anymore. So, I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms. The writing's on the wall. You gave nothing and I gave it all. But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down.

What are we to do?
What are we to say to one another now we're through?
Thanks for being you.
Thanks for being all the things I had to say goodbye to.
I'm over being lied to.
I'm over being pushed into the person that you want me to become.

"For the first time in such a long time, I know I'll be okay."

How I feel and the future:

"Can we climb this mountain? I don't know."

It has taken me longer than it should have to get to this point, but I'm glad that I'm finally here. To put it simply, I'm happy. I'm proud of myself, of who I am right now, and I feel like a have a real purpose when I get up in the morning. I have expectations that I want to live up to. Work doesn't feel like work. So, really, what more could I ask for?

I've never been one to pause for more than a second to think about any consequences before my actions, and I'm positive that that is one of the biggest reasons why things in my life were static for so long. I relied too much on something that was safe. I had to make 293842093489203 mistakes before it actually hit me that I deserved better than the life I had. Still, I doubt that I'll become too cautious. I'd rather just jump into things and take things as they come. Sink or swim. No regrets. Ever.

Life's the best and biggest roller coaster. I'm lucky to have such great people riding along with me.

"I haven't been there for the longest time."

"And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you."

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

-C.S. Lewis

"I fought the law and the law won."

I think that she (Kristen Stewart) probably meant this as an insult, or to degrade her profession (because you know, she's super teen angst-y like that). I think she's wrong. A movie or a play, like music, totally has the power to change peoples' lives. I mean, there are so many times that a movie has made me feel optimistic about life. Other times, a film can shake me to my core and have an extremely profound effect on me.

People use movies as an escape from their everyday realities.

So, yes, Kristen Stewart. Maybe what you're doing IS important.

"I'm a su-su-su-su-sugar town."

"They made a statue of us..."

"You do something to me."

This is beautiful. I wish that someone would make a video like this of me!

"Why do you steal my hand whenever I'm standing my own ground?"

Right under my feet, there's air made of bricks. Pulls me down turns me weak for you. I find myself repeating like a broken tune and I'm forever excusing your intentions. And I give in to my pretendings, which forgive you each time without me knowing. They melt my heart to stone. And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head; I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. Each and every time I turn around to leave, I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed. So, desperately I try to link it with my head, but instead I fall back to my knees as you tear your way right through me. I forgive you once again. Without me knowing, you've burnt my heart to stone. And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. Why do you steal my hand, whenever I'm standing my own ground? You build me up, then leave me dead. Well, I hear your words you made up. So, I say your name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love

"Feelin' like there's nothing to figure out."

Can you believe we've been friends for almost twenty years now!?

"Open my eyes... I see sky."

I love waking up in the morning and having something to look forward to.
I am busy as fuck and I love it. I don't want it to end.

"... Nothing you can make that can't be made."

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

— Maya Angelou

"I want your everything as long as it's free."

... What I would like to know is HOW and WHY?! How does one even find the time for this?!!?

"He ate my heart."

Things I Bought Recently That Make Me Happy!


A new journal. The tag on the back says, "Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundation of humanity. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation." - Saint Augustine. This quote so resonates with me and I've been writing in this book religiously for about a week, now. It's nice to have my thoughts be my own again.


An eraser shaped like a basket of dim sum!!! I also got one shaped like a hamburger, but I gave it to my brother.


Organic soap. I was kind of suckered into buying three bars. I was originally just going to buy one for Belle, but then the clerk offered me a discount and since I am no good at turning down discounts or sales... I ended up with three bars of organic soap. I don't regret it. They smell heavenly. There is no way that I am going back to Dial after bathing with this baby.


A PEN shaped like a cigarette. Look at me smoking my fake cigarette, inhaling fake, cancerous fumes!!! I'm so unk-e-w-l.


100 Years of Fashion Illustration by Cally Blackman. This one was kind of pricey, but I am telling myself that it is like a textbook for life until I'm convinced that it is. It's the most beautiful book that I have ever laid eyes on.

"Maybe this time I'll be lucky."

I enjoy them.

"There's just no one who gets me like you do."

My nerves have been shaking twenty-four seven and I’ve stopped trying to calm them. Nothing, and I mean nothing, seems right anymore. Each day gets more dreadful and each day I wish I wasn’t here just a little more than the day before. I’ve been back in a corner for days and no one will pull me out. Being alone really does feel as awful as it sounds. Between the arguments and the tears, I can’t hear my own thoughts anymore. I have no clue of what I want, what I need, what I should have. I miss being able to count on you.

I'm going on an internet strike.

Some things are going on right now in my life that I need to tend to.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually doing something adult and while it scares the hell out of me, it needs to be done. I need to take some time to take care of myself. To heal... I guess.

I don't know how long this will be for, but here's to hoping that I'll come back happy, healthy, smarter, and stronger.

"This soul you'll never see again won't be showing scars."

I don't know why I torture myself so much. I know that it's not worth it, but the over-analytical and extremely curious part of me can't help herself. I wish that I could afford to just run away for a little while.

"You could be happy..."

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy."

... So, it's 4:30 AM and I'm wide awake.

Shockingly, it's not because I've been awake for hours chatting away on MSN, or watching television shows online. I actually went to bed at 8:30 PM and fell asleep shortly afterward. I've been doing this for the past week and a half...

I feel like a grandma.

I'm not sure how this new and perfect sleeping pattern came to be, but I am reeeeeeally enjoying it. Prior to the new year, I used to sleep in until seven PM sometimes (I know! Disgusting!), but now that I'm awake super early in the morning, there is so much time for activities! Zomg! Amazeballs! It's weird and such a change... Sometimes, it's a bit torturous because I start to burn out at like, six PM and then I have to try not to fall asleep until nine so as not to disturb my sleeping pattern. My mother would be so proud. She keeps telling me that my skin sucks because of my poor sleeping pattern, so hopefully my new sleeping habits will remedy the weird splotches on my face.

Did I really just blog about going to bed early? That was dumb. Maybe I should have talked about how the lady who played Blossom in Blossom is on The Secret Life of the American Teenager (Daren Kagasoff!!! <33333), now. She is not as endearing anymore and is kind of a bad actress. Her face bugs me. That was mean. Never mind.

I just wanted a new post to cover my own face in the last one. Okay, good bye for now!

"Got me singing like, 'Na na na na' every day."

I don't know why my preview snapshots are always so ugly :'(

"Take a breath..."

To Do:

1) Go to the optometrist because I want to get new glasses, and I am 99.999% sure that I got a little more blind.
2) Go the see the dentist because I have not gone in an embarrassingly long time. Frankly, I am too afraid to go now because I don't want to hear bad news :(
3) Buy my textbooks.
4) Call back the boy who wants to hire me as a tutor... lololololol. I know.